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November 20, 2011
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in the sky, stars now falling
from the river rises steam
wishes made, but seldom granted
Fate is cold...and sometimes mean

unseen
faster than the speed of light
snow falls

from the river rises steam
Fate is cold...and sometimes mean
between us both a candle flickers
and by your lips i often burn

cold kisses
upon the ground
flaming leaves


between us both a candle flickers
with just whisper it is gone
and fields of ice your eyes soon turn
a foolish game of breaking hearts

a thousand fires
an invisible lake
beyond the city


with just a whisper it is gone
wishes made but seldom granted
a foolish game of breaking hearts
in the sky, stars now falling
this is a shokuga (woven verse) using both Pantoum and haiku...that -Aqua-rat- [link] and i collaborated on for the bluemoonbird group: [link]

here is out previous collaboration using this form:[link]


this was not easy for me to do at first, (i have less hair on the top of my head now as proof of this statement) the pantoum is a Malaysian form of poetry which is highly cyclical and structured in nature and i just could not wrap my thoughts around it, and my attempts at writing it were very frustrating....it was only after a bit of advice from those artist who write this form on a regular basis and reading the excellent tutorial by -mrnakes- [link] that i was able to focus on the structure and begin to write something that began to make sense.... to her credit -Aqua-rat- was very patient with me and gave me time to work...even when i “offered” to just write the haiku portions of the verses...she said that was a no go...since i had to also write a pantoum and let her write the haiku next, to be fair. (She was right) hope you like our combined efforts
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:iconrainreedshimmer:
RainReedshimmer Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Sheesh....and i thought poetry was all about rhyming lol
I never was much good at school :shrug:
Beautiful combined effort!
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:iconscottman2th:
ScottMan2th Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
thanks Michelle... you could have used rhyming here
but that would have made this a very different
poem. pretty happy with this one being one of 
the early efforts of collaboration 
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:iconsomnomollior:
somnomollior Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2011   Writer
Love your comments! :D
That's me cracking the whip.
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:iconscottman2th:
ScottMan2th Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks Cat *grin*
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:iconcoffeebirdy:
CoffeeBirdy Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2011  Student Traditional Artist
Very nice, scott. :)
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:iconscottman2th:
ScottMan2th Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you *grin*
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:iconjennystokes:
jennystokes Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2011  Professional General Artist
Love this Scott...............it is very interesting to me because I was born and grew up in Sri Lanka, I was very used to reading Indian verse.
Not to dissimilar.
Always the 'refrain' although a little bit different each time.
Lol
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:iconscottman2th:
ScottMan2th Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you *grin* i have to admit this form was a bit challanging to write since i
prefer free verse or haiku but i should be able to do something like this again in the future
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:iconjennystokes:
jennystokes Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2011  Professional General Artist
It is a beautiful format that I enjoy Very much!
LOL
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:iconscottman2th:
ScottMan2th Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
i can see why *grin*
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